April finds the castle of the mad alchemist Rupert Klacks and gains entry via strategic use of hand lotion. She then negotiates a maze, discovers other uses for mathematics, teaches herself alchemy, reveals that classic Star Trek is still popular in the 23rd century and, oh yes, restores the wind with a bit of help from Crow. Yet one more step on The Longest Journey.

April heads deeper into the forests north of Marcuria, makes contact with the Bandu and falls into a trap so obvious even Admiral Ackbar is facepalming. She also discusses eating birds with a talking bird, has an argument with herself and, oh yeah, finds the first part of the Guardian’s disc. Another day on The Longest Journey.

Having found out all she can in Marcuria, April sets out to find a way to get to the island of Ailias. But to do so she has to convince Captain Nebevay to allow a woman on his ship, find a replacement navigator and somehow restore the wind, which has been captured by the improbably-named alchemist Rupert Klacks. So naturally she decides to take a walk in the woods instead. At least she has a companion now, the talking crow named Crow. Another step along the way of The Longest Journey.

April Ryan goes through a mysterious portal in the back of her wardrobe, only to find herself back in Marcuria instead of Narnia. There she spends a lot of time walking and talking, finds someone with severe verb-tense issues and discovers that artists somehow end up with waitress jobs no matter what world they are in. Another step on The Longest Journey.

April visits the improbably named “Burns Flipper” and after enduring another carpet f-bombing get information on the Vanguard *and* the name of the missing Guardian. Along the way she plays MacGyver 2200, finds out that police power armor isn’t waterproof and wonders why Zack is hanging around outside her room. Then bad things happen. It’s the end of Chapter 3 of The Longest Journey!

Having finally gotten into the police station, April attempts to enter the Archives only to find she needs someone to lend her a hand. Or at least an eye. She helps a guy with his stomach problems, finds that computer security is just as lax in the 23rd century as it is today and uncovers the startling truth about hovercraft safety. Just another step on The Longest Journey.

April begins her quest to save the worlds by enduring a carpet F-bombing by Zach. She then travels to the bad part of town and we rethink our views on the relative merits of Arcadia and Stark. The game is then interrupted by a news report and a game-breaking bug but April finds that the real challenge to getting into the police station is bureaucracy, which is apparently what they mean by “The Longest Journey”.

April Ryan suddenly remembers she’s an adventure game protagonist and sets out to solve a series of puzzles involving deflated rubber duckies, poisoned candy and toy monkeys. I mean apes. Then she finds herself in another universe. The plot is starting to come together in The Longest Journey!

Waking from her nightmare, April Ryan finds out that the real world has its own share of problems. She deals with an obnoxious neighbor, finds a gold ring that has nothing to do with Mount Doom and then talks to a creepy old guy who seems to know way too much about her. And who wants her to meet him in a children’s museum. And that’s before the weird creature jumps out of the jukebox. Good thing she has clean genes for the subway. It’s the loquacious first chapter of The Longest Journey!